A World of Apps Nobody Asked For
Develop an app. We live in an era where digital innovation distinguishes between genius and absurdity. For every transformative platform – think Duolingo, Spotify, or Notion – there is a soundboard app dedicated solely to fart noises or a game that simulates drinking virtual beer. Progress is a spectrum.
But what if you could develop an app that defies logic and still turns a profit? No utility, no problem-solving – just a gloriously useless product with the sole ambition of making money. Because let us face it: not every app needs to optimise your life. Sometimes, it just needs to exist.
Step 1: Solve a Problem No One Has
Forget reinventing the wheel. You are here to reinvent the rock.
The key to launching a pointless-yet-profitable app is identifying a problem that does not exist. The more absurd, the better. Here is a grab bag of inspiration:
- Blink Tracker: Charts your daily blinks, complete with graphs and streaks. Comes with zero health benefits.
- Procrastination Perfection: Helps you avoid work by recommending pointless tasks like alphabetising your spice rack.
- Daily Dose of Uninspiration: “You can’t fail if you never start.” Enough said.
- Pet Rock Trainer: Measures how far you have carried your pet rock today. Unlock badges for absolutely nothing.
- Excuse Generator: Because “Mercury is in retrograde” is a valid excuse for everything from ghosting to missed deadlines.
Step 2: Over-Engineer Like a Pro
If your app does nothing, at least make it look like it does everything.
Bloat is your best friend here. Consider unnecessary AR integrations, fake AI features, and wildly unearned gamification layers. Some must-haves:
- Ghost-scanning fridge AR: See spirits haunting your leftover pasta.
- Gamified laundry folding: Compete globally for folding imaginary towels.
- Premium subscription tiers: Unlock nothing.
Remember – it is not deception but innovation in a post-functionality age.
Step 3: Market It Like a Tech Messiah
Now comes the pièce de résistance: the pitch. Lean hard into Silicon Valley buzzwords—disruptive, synergistic, AI-powered—regardless of your app’s actual function (or lack thereof).
Your landing page? Sleek, vague, and aspirational. Slap on a line like: “It’s not just an app. It’s a movement.” Bonus points for a minimalist interface and a mysteriously long waitlist.
Still sceptical? The “I Am Rich” app once sold for $999.99 and did nothing beyond showing a glowing red gem. Eight people bought it before it was removed, eight more than most startups.
The Genius of Pointless Apps
To develop an app today is to play in a world where absurdity often trumps utility. And maybe that is the point. These apps, however ridiculous, highlight our obsessive need for digital distractions and challenge the idea that tech always needs a purpose.
So, if you have a brilliantly useless idea, do not dismiss it – monetise it. After all, there is a market for everything, even nothing.
